JIALIZ

刚刚在校内上偶然看了到了李××的名字，又找到了她的“平湖秋月”的博客，看到了这个瘦弱又迷人的小女生的一些新动向，很受鼓舞。

我发现 我就是这种很受别人影响的人，看到别人那么优秀，自己立刻觉得自卑；看到别人和自己差不多，自己又很快找回了平衡；只有当我看到或听到别人比我更不幸时， 才觉得自己有多幸福。看到别人努力面对压力，我才觉得我也可以这样做。所以这种人天生就没有创新精神吧。

再说李××，看到她已经结婚了， 很是感慨，不过想到同是和他一班的哥哥已经结婚生子，就也不觉得惊奇了。我觉得她是那种安安静静的，很内秀的小女生，看到她日志里的tmd,nnd真让人 觉得她原来也有这么一面，更觉得她挺可爱的了！

其实从她身上让我找回了一种自信吧，应该说，不然也不会突然感觉心理有豁然开朗的感觉。她 过的那种生活其实是我很喜欢的，一个清雅的女生的清雅的小生活。不去过多纠缠于感情，让自己失去自我，也不去过多埋怨生活，每天都留一些时间给自己，让自 己清静下来，和自己对话，记录所感所想。然后给自己打气，告诉自己生活还很美好。这就是我所喜欢的她，这样的女生怎么会没人爱呢？

所以又 回到了那句老话，爱自己的人才会有人爱！

无聊的日子，无聊的我，面对着电脑胡乱的点着，看着无聊的视频，却哪里也不想去，我不知道我未来的方向，我觉得好像是杨澜说的吧，女人的一生事业和家庭是 两条腿，少了哪一条都不行，我好想更倾向于家庭，我想要一个幸福的，可以依靠的家庭，我越来越发现，我是一个很依赖别人的人，我害怕一个人的房间，我喜欢 开门看见有个人在那里，那时看见她在那里真的好高兴。

I don’t know why god make me like this ,the worst disease i can imagine ,or may be you may say that you should think about the people who have suffer malignant diseases,such as cancer or etc. think back to my past times ,rarely have i enjoy my life，if i have face everything happily,i may be better than i am now .

Today is a special day for both me and him ,my love ,we seprated .yes we break .

I always can not imagine what my life would be without him, i can not leave him,since i love him so much ,yet ,i have to face the reallity,so many people have failed on their first love ,may be i should persuade myself like this.

I still waiting for his massages ,even i hardly know what can he say ,and indeed there is nothing can we talk about.

There is a huge wall between us ,it is not his fault,not mine neither,

I always wondering ,if i am a healthy girl ,my life would be perfect:i can marry him,and we have a cute baby , a own a family.yes ,if i am a healthy girl ,this is the most common thing i can own easily.

But ,you konw my condition ,you know my excuses .

So ,sometimes i feel guitly for him ,he is absolutly innercence ,he should have a common life ,like he always dreamed. i am just a passager of his life.
he will forget me sooner or later.nothing could be worse than this to make me sad.

But my life should be continue ,i still have a long life to go ,even i don not know my future, especially my future family, i should hold a hope in my heart,i should confornt to this thing.

i have to be breave ,you aught to be breave!

you aught to be breave!

you should learn to subject all these Unfortunate thing in your life.

Life is difficult ,because you can coming to this world ,you are determined to surfer.

I understand why i love gray colour , since nine out of ten of my emotion are gray ,i can not find a reason to make myself happy ,i have persists so long ,i did not give up my pity “dream” ,yet ,i still lost the chance , there is no tears in my eyes ,i am totally indifferent ,i became a wooden person ,having no mood ,except gray.

Where is my destination? where is my land? am i bound to be alone forever?

Help me ,please help me ,i have been so sincere ,why are you so cold to me ?

Yesterday,lemon told me something ,which touched my deep heart .

He said that he know i can do whatever i can for him,yet, what he do not want to see is that i became a commn women after our marry,and lose my noble.

He is so right !

I can hardly express the exciting and moving of my heart at that moment.

Yes,we should  sober ourselves up,especially our fellow

sisters,we should not devote our whole to our love.that will

not let him happy,on the contray,our behavior wil exhaust our

attraction to the one we loved,to be yourself!

To be yourself,to be a noble women,do not let yourself slip to common by the time river.